One-Sided Pancake

When it comes to my divorce, as they say, it completely came from "left field".  Did not expect it at all.  We had never been in a shouting match, nor had we ever even discussed it.  In fact, we had made a rule, not to even say the word "divorce" in our home.  Both our parents were still together and everything we had discussed up to that time pointed to the relationship between a husband and wife as the most important one to cultivate, even greater than the relationship we have with our own children.  We are both from religious homes that hold marriage to be the pinnacle of our existence.  Sure, we didn't always agree on things and I am sure there were things that each of us would have liked to have a little different, but if you would have asked anyone who knew us, they would have quickly stated that "they are happy and have a great relationship".  With hindsight, it is now obvious how much someone can hide things if needed.  I came home from a weekend visiting friends in another state and knew something was wrong.   It felt different than it did 72 hours earlier.  Less than 30 days later, we had split.  It was the weirdest month of my life.     

When all was going downhill, I was standing outside my home speaking with some great friends about how quickly things had changed and how shocked I was to be in the situation I was in at that point of my life (we had a 15 month old) and after trying to explain to them what I knew, one friend said something I will never forget and something that gave me great confidence and reassurance  in a deeply sorrowful time of my life.  He stated, "man, I know they always say there are two sides to every story, but this is truly "a one-sided pancake".  That statement has stuck with me and is the driving force for these blog's title.  Even though I am sure I could have been a better husband in one aspect or another, I had felt up to that time that there was truly only one side to this marital demise.  It was reasurring to me that someone who knew us both well, saw it the same as I did.  Throughout this blog, along with lots of other stuff, I will be sharing the things I have learned over my life, but mostly over the last 7 years through divorce, remarriage, adoption and life sharing a child with someone with whom you have lost all respect.  One day, I want to write a book, maybe the title will be, "Eveything I Need to Know, I Learned in my Divorce". 

I hope these entries can somehow entertain you, educate you and if nothing else, help you understand how important it is to truly put all you have into your marriage.  It is where you can find the greatest happiness.  Unfortunately, like most things in life, where you find the most happiness is also where you can find the deepest sorrows.  It is a balancing act that takes an effort everyday of your life to ensure that the "happy" days far out-number the "sad" ones.